31 Days of Real Life [10/2/16]

31 Days of Real Life 10/2/16 | BeckyLMcCoy.com

These two.

I say it often, but it bears repeating: they make my heart sing. I’m so glad to be their mama.

I always knew I wanted to be a mom. I love being a mom. I thrive on getting to be the one to love them and encourage their growth mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

But, from the second Keith died, I began carrying an immense amount of “mom guilt”. Was I ruining their chances of living long, health-filled lives because I didn’t have the capacity to cook the well rounded meals I had before Keith’s death? Were they at a disadvantage because I couldn’t be the mom for them that I wanted to be? As I scrolled through social media, even the sight of a friend’s child coloring brought me to tears, because all I could manage to do was snuggle and watch movies.

I still struggle with these things. My kids ate popcorn for dinner and watch significantly more TV than I’d like.

My friends, who are wise and compassionate, remind me this is a season. They will not be little and exhausting forever. I will not always be this tired. If they eat chicken nuggets and green beans for every meal, at least they’re getting something green.

So, I take a deep breath in and try and give myself an extra measure of grace.

They will not be little and goofy like this forever. I want to be as present as I can so I can remember these moments.

Life doesn’t look anything like I thought it would, but I don’t want to be so busy dreaming of the life I lost that I miss the only life I’ve really got.

Thankful for those two, silly smiles that bring me back to this real, wonderful life.


I also loved these two photos. We sure do have a lot of fun!

31 Days of Real Life 10/2/16 | BeckyLMcCoy.com 31 Days of Real Life 10/2/16 | BeckyLMcCoy.com


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5 Comments

  1. Mary Newman on October 2, 2016 at 9:43 pm

    Popcorn, chicken nuggets & sliced apples is a regular here! Your friends give good advice!

  2. Rachel Kathrine on October 4, 2016 at 3:23 pm

    Hi Becky, popped over from the Write 31 days pinterest page. When i saw your title i thought that is something I wan to read, 31 Days of Real. This is an absolutely stunning blog and so refreshing to hear the real. I loved this line ‘I don’t want to be so busy dreaming of the life I lost that I miss the only life I’ve really got.’ So True. Thank you.

  3. Lauren on October 7, 2016 at 2:42 pm

    “Life doesn’t look anything like I thought it would, but I don’t want to be so busy dreaming of the life I lost that I miss the only life I’ve really got.”–yes! This made me tear up. We’ve lost different things, but I also find myself living within this tension. Thank you for the reminder. Looking forward to following along in this series.

    • Becky L McCoy on October 7, 2016 at 4:51 pm

      Isn’t it fascinating how the type of loss matters less when we look deeply at the experience of grief and loss? Keep going, friend!

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