31 Days of Real Life [10/2/16]
These two.
I say it often, but it bears repeating: they make my heart sing. I’m so glad to be their mama.
I always knew I wanted to be a mom. I love being a mom. I thrive on getting to be the one to love them and encourage their growth mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually.
But, from the second Keith died, I began carrying an immense amount of “mom guilt”. Was I ruining their chances of living long, health-filled lives because I didn’t have the capacity to cook the well rounded meals I had before Keith’s death? Were they at a disadvantage because I couldn’t be the mom for them that I wanted to be? As I scrolled through social media, even the sight of a friend’s child coloring brought me to tears, because all I could manage to do was snuggle and watch movies.
I still struggle with these things. My kids ate popcorn for dinner and watch significantly more TV than I’d like.
My friends, who are wise and compassionate, remind me this is a season. They will not be little and exhausting forever. I will not always be this tired. If they eat chicken nuggets and green beans for every meal, at least they’re getting something green.
So, I take a deep breath in and try and give myself an extra measure of grace.
They will not be little and goofy like this forever. I want to be as present as I can so I can remember these moments.
Life doesn’t look anything like I thought it would, but I don’t want to be so busy dreaming of the life I lost that I miss the only life I’ve really got.
Thankful for those two, silly smiles that bring me back to this real, wonderful life.
I also loved these two photos. We sure do have a lot of fun!
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Popcorn, chicken nuggets & sliced apples is a regular here! Your friends give good advice!
Hi Becky, popped over from the Write 31 days pinterest page. When i saw your title i thought that is something I wan to read, 31 Days of Real. This is an absolutely stunning blog and so refreshing to hear the real. I loved this line ‘I don’t want to be so busy dreaming of the life I lost that I miss the only life I’ve really got.’ So True. Thank you.
Thanks, Rachel!
“Life doesn’t look anything like I thought it would, but I don’t want to be so busy dreaming of the life I lost that I miss the only life I’ve really got.”–yes! This made me tear up. We’ve lost different things, but I also find myself living within this tension. Thank you for the reminder. Looking forward to following along in this series.
Isn’t it fascinating how the type of loss matters less when we look deeply at the experience of grief and loss? Keep going, friend!