Grief is Real

Sometimes I start to doubt that grief is real. Part of my brain wants to reason it away as the excuse I have for being emotional at times. And the rest of my brain squashes that part down and remembers that loss causes a huge stress on our hearts and minds and it’s okay to allow the grief to wash over me.

Last weekend, we returned to Zion National Park for the first time since we went with Dad. Last summer, Keith, Molly, and Dad attempted Angel’s Landing. Due to Dad’s cough, he didn’t make very far. That was the beginning of Dad’s cancer journey and a place that we all agreed we needed to return to. Unfortunately, when we got to “the beginning of the end” of the trail (one mile of climbing along a high precipice), I got light headed and couldn’t even balance on flat ground (never-mind the 4-6 foot wide trail). I decided to hang back and felt the urge to write through my tears and anger. Anger that I couldn’t finish the hike (i’ve done it once before, so all is not lost), anger that Dad never got to do the hike, anger that I even had to be angry about missing Dad at all, and angry that Caleb never knew the awesome man that helped me grow into the woman I am today.

While mom, Molly, and Keith were burying Dad’s ashes at the top of Angel’s Landing, I grabbed my camera and filmed my thoughts exactly as they tumbled out of my mouth. SIDEBAR: The funeral home gave us ashes in a biodegradable container, how cool is that?!

Check out mom’s post and Molly’s thoughts on the hike.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cbYK_p6_kl0?rel=0]

I promise to post photos from our trip within the next few days!

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2 Comments

  1. Peggy on June 3, 2013 at 5:21 am

    Keep healing, Becky. Every one of your thoughts is going right to your Dad’s heart…you know that. AND, he made that hike that day……he made it.

  2. Kathy on June 6, 2013 at 11:28 am

    *tears* … I so relate to the feelings of anger on certain days … thanks for being so honest and transparent. keep hanging in there mama!

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