Dear New Mom: It’s Really Hard
Dear New Mom:
Today was day #2 of pool time. Caleb loves splashing, but HATES the back of his head touching water. I found him this fun little float thingie and didn’t have to hold him the whole time!
And then he got splashed. The combination of being hungry and tired turned the tiny bits of chlorinated water into Caleb-seeking missiles. The result was one very upset Caleb and some very entertained adults.
This wasn’t much of a real crisis, but it did make my mama heart sad for my little guy. It’s really all just an illustration of the deeper feelings I’ve been experiencing. We discovered recently that Caleb lost three pounds while we were in Bolivia; since I was so sick, the only logical conclusion is that my milk thinned out too much for him to get much nutrition. I know there isn’t much I could have done, but the deep feelings of discouragement and failure that even when I did everything in my power to care for my little one, it wasn’t enough.
An email from my mom eased my mind a bit:
I remember like yesterday the night you were born – I held you with trembling arms and felt so overwhelmed by love and uncertainty – fearful that you would find out that I didn’t really know how to be a Mom. But God knew what he was doing when He gave you to us as our first born. You were born knowing what you wanted and how you wanted it to be done. I took my cues from you and off we went. Being your Mom enabled me to grow as a person. Your will challenged me constantly. You helped me identify what things were truly important – and this was constant; and sometimes exhausting! Over time, I became more confident in celebrating your unique strengths rather than trying to make you more like me. God reminded me that you belonged to Him first and my job was to recognize your “bent” and guide you in that way – His way. And so it became a wonderful adventure.
A wonderful adventure, indeed!
New mom, I know how hard it is to be responsible for this sweet little one you’ve been trusted with. I know how discouraging it can get. Have hope, there’s a smile waiting to brighten your day, just around the corner.
And when all else fails, there’s always nap time.