Sinking into Grace
In church yesterday morning, the thought came to mind that I’ve changed some how. And then I realized that I have allowed God’s grace to fill every corner of my life.
Gosh, that just sounds so cliche.
And yet, it’s true. For the first time in my life, I am not so hard on myself when I don’t meet my own expectations. I don’t experience the same amount of anger when someone or something disappoints me. I am truly at peace even with impending change swirling around me.
This weekend I finally replied to several emails and messages from friends that had reached out to me before Christmas. I felt bad that it took me so long to respond, but I didn’t have the words until now. I’m learning to be okay with taking time to do things and not being efficient with everything. I am accepting grace for those times when I feel like I’ve dropped the ball.
The trick is realizing that I wasn’t born with this grace. I didn’t even receive it because I earned it or wanted it badly enough. I was given grace because I realized that I’m not good enough, but God loves me anyways. This deep and peace-giving grace is a gift I will never deserve. And no matter how good, bad, or upside down you are, you’ll never deserve it either. And yet, for reasons I’ll never quite understand, this mysterious grace is a beautiful gift just waiting for us to unwrap it.
There is a song by David Crowder Band that haunts my soul. It’s the song that I have sung to Caleb when he is inconsolable since he was born and I have hummed it to myself since the moment I first heard it. The entire song is beautiful poetry, but there are two lines that have been bouncing around in my brain the last 24 hours.
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If His grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
Those words hit me right in the place where they echo from my thoughts to my heart and back again. I am letting go and sinking deeper and deeper into this grace and thankful that the deeper I go, the harder it is to escape.
God’s desire is that we live in freedom and drink from the wide, deep, powerful River of Life. – Emily Freeman (Grace for the Good Girl)
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