loss
For When You Bring Your Grief Into The New Year
In 2014, my husband was admitted to the hospital on New Year’s Eve. He’d recently been diagnosed with an untreatable, incurable type of cancer, but we thought we would have more than a couple months left. Initially, they just wanted to keep him for observation for a day or two, but he died on January…
20 of my Favorite Books on Grief
I wish I could have a cozy little library with big comfy chairs, a crackling fire place, and all the hot cocoa, tea, and coffee a person could want. The library would be filled with books on grief: books to learn about grief and stories that help you feel less alone. Since that’s not reality,…
Brave is a Choice
I’m not exaggerating when I say my life feels more like a Lifetime movie than reality. My dad died eight hours after giving birth to my first kid. My husband battled one kind of cancer the year we were engaged and died from another kind a month before our kid number two was born. I…
When You’re Feeling the Damage of Burnout
Until recently, I thought burnout was a normal part of life. I had never even thought there could be a life without burnout. I would stoically push through stress and challenges until I crashed. Then I’d rest and recover only to do it all again. I’ve been learning a different kind of living in the…
For When Grief Hits You From Out of Nowhere
It’s been almost four years since my husband died. I’m mostly doing great. I still get sad sometimes. Other times I’m disappointed or angry that this is my real life. But, on the whole, life is good. We’ve found new routines and ways of doing things. We feel settled. I skirt the edge of grieving,…
Good Things Are Scary; Disappointment is Comfortable
I have a very serious fear of good things happening to me. You laugh, but I’m dead serious. I have a few really big dreams that feel completely impossible and I have no idea how (or if) they’ll ever work out. And so when some of these dreams started inching forward last week, I had…
Disappearing Act: Let Your Grief Breathe
I disappeared this year. Not just a quiet period away from social media, but a full on disappearance from my life. I never quite made it to hang out with friends and I sat in the hallway during church, unable to engage with a sermon or much of the music. When I sat down to…
Beginnings Are Complicated
I’ve never had a new beginning without a huge loss at the same time. My husband, Keith, had cancer the year we were engaged. My dad died eight hours after my son (the first grandkid) was born. My husband died one month before our daughter was born. For me, new beginnings are complicated. I’ll never…
Why You Never Leave Your Grieving Friend Alone
“You’ve got so much going on. I didn’t want to burden you with my hard stuff.” “I didn’t want to make you more sad. I try and only share stuff that will cheer you up.” “I wasn’t sure if I should say anything. I hate to bother you.” I’ve heard dozens of versions of those…
When You Feel Broken At Christmas
Everywhere I look, there are signs of a shiny, bright, perfect Christmas. Smiling family photos. Perfectly decorated homes and trees. Happy people enjoying happy friends at happy Christmas parties. Christmas movies that elicit giggles and end in magical first kisses. Cookies and hot cocoa and fires and snow (or at least dreams of it). Sometimes…
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