loss
Brave is a Choice
I’m not exaggerating when I say my life feels more like a Lifetime movie than reality. My dad died eight hours after giving birth to my first kid. My husband battled one kind of cancer the year we were engaged and died from another kind a month before our kid number two was born. I…
When You’re Feeling the Damage of Burnout
Until recently, I thought burnout was a normal part of life. I had never even thought there could be a life without burnout. I would stoically push through stress and challenges until I crashed. Then I’d rest and recover only to do it all again. I’ve been learning a different kind of living in the…
For When Grief Hits You From Out of Nowhere
It’s been almost four years since my husband died. I’m mostly doing great. I still get sad sometimes. Other times I’m disappointed or angry that this is my real life. But, on the whole, life is good. We’ve found new routines and ways of doing things. We feel settled. I skirt the edge of grieving,…
Good Things Are Scary; Disappointment is Comfortable
I have a very serious fear of good things happening to me. You laugh, but I’m dead serious. I have a few really big dreams that feel completely impossible and I have no idea how (or if) they’ll ever work out. And so when some of these dreams started inching forward last week, I had…
Disappearing Act: Let Your Grief Breathe
I disappeared this year. Not just a quiet period away from social media, but a full on disappearance from my life. I never quite made it to hang out with friends and I sat in the hallway during church, unable to engage with a sermon or much of the music. When I sat down to…
Beginnings Are Complicated
I’ve never had a new beginning without a huge loss at the same time. My husband, Keith, had cancer the year we were engaged. My dad died eight hours after my son (the first grandkid) was born. My husband died one month before our daughter was born. For me, new beginnings are complicated. I’ll never…
Why You Never Leave Your Grieving Friend Alone
“You’ve got so much going on. I didn’t want to burden you with my hard stuff.” “I didn’t want to make you more sad. I try and only share stuff that will cheer you up.” “I wasn’t sure if I should say anything. I hate to bother you.” I’ve heard dozens of versions of those…
When You Feel Broken At Christmas
Everywhere I look, there are signs of a shiny, bright, perfect Christmas. Smiling family photos. Perfectly decorated homes and trees. Happy people enjoying happy friends at happy Christmas parties. Christmas movies that elicit giggles and end in magical first kisses. Cookies and hot cocoa and fires and snow (or at least dreams of it). Sometimes…
9 Tips for a Quiet and Simple Holiday Season
Each Christmas season is an exceptional one. It’s another Christmas without Keith. Caleb is always so excited for this season: he runs around wearing his Santa hat and I often find him sitting and staring at the Christmas tree. Libby adores Santa and all of the silly Christmas movies (although, she’s quite offended the Grinch would steal…
When You Feel Stuck on the Outside of Your Life
A reality of grief and depression is that you often feel stuck outside of your life. Last week, I had a few days where I felt like I was watching my life and not living it. I took deep breaths, trying to ground myself, feeling like I was floating away with nothing to pull me…
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