The Impossible Day
I can’t shake the feeling that after my post “Sinking into Grace” some people might think I’ve got it altogether and because I feel peaceful means my life is full of peace as well.
That couldn’t be further from the truth.
Today, for example, I have wished several times that there really was such a thing as a Fairy Godmother. Seriously, she was getting lots of S.O.S. calls from this mama today. The day actually started out better than normal. Keith left for work and Caleb was still sleeping. I let myself lie in bed a bit longer and finally got up around 7. Caleb was wide awake and talking to himself in his crib. He was super happy to see me and we had a delightful 30 minutes together.
Then it all tanked. I thought it was going so well.
He screamed those inconsolable, angry, hurting cries no mom wants to hear for almost TWO HOURS. I tried everything: feeding, rocking, in the swing, in the sling, snuggled up in a soft blanket. Nothing even slowed him down. I really started to lose it when he gave me that, “Mama, I hurt. Fix it,” look. Ugh. It was shaping up to be an impossible day, one that would end with both of us in tears.
Finally, I decided to strip him down and start over. Clothes off and diaper changed. Still screaming. Then I remembered the charlie horse we had found the night before. Poor kid had a rock-hard knot in his thigh from his shots. I tried rubbing it out, which made the screaming worse and did nothing to soften it up. Next step was tylenol. Then into the swing, wrapped up in his soft blanket. Finally, some rest and sleep.
While I had the quiet, I slipped into my room and snuggled under the covers with my book – it’s a rainy day in Las Vegas, a girl has to take advantage! I got about halfway through the chapter before the screaming started again. Snuggling didn’t work. Rocking, singing, and all our other go-to’s weren’t even calming him down for a moment. So I made a warm compress and used it to try and loosen up his muscle again. That seemed to work a little, but not enough for him to relax. After he ate, he snuggled into my lap and started playing with his feet and I knew we’d survive the day.
I have no doubt there will be more pain-filled cries today, but now I know we’ll make it through (I wasn’t sure during that long 2 hour stretch). While he’s playing on his activity mat, I got to finish my chapter and write this post. I was comforted by this passage in my book and hope it’ll encourage you through an impossible day as well:
Even in the midst of lots of activity, our souls have permission to rest. I don’t always choose rest, but this is a sweet reminder to me that I have that option.
– Emily P. Freeman, “Grace for the Good Girl”