Today was supposed to be Day One of #runlikekeith half marathon training. We got up and out the door despite toddler protests to meet friends. We got there and got kids buckled in strollers and as I pushed the stroller to everyone else, the front wheel popped off with a bent axle.
After an extremely challenging emotional week last week and a weekend with boy who has been more than rambunctious, a non-functional brand new stroller felt like a punch to the gut. I just barely managed to not come completely undone. The stroller is not supposed to be the difficult part of this journey.
I’m reminded of a song I first identified with when Keith was in the process of being diagnosed. I didn’t think it was possible, but it’s even more descriptive of my life now.
Let me see redemption win / Let me know the struggle ends / That you can mend a heart / That’s frail and torn / I wanna know a song can rise / From the ashes of a broken life / And all that’s dead inside can be reborn / Cause I’m worn [Tenth Avenue North]
I just love the thought of seeing a new song rising out of the ashes of my broken life because right now the weight it is all to real and heavy. I am confident that day will come one day as long as I keep putting one foot in front of the other, but some days it feels like I’m just tripping over myself.
The day got better after we all had naps and I got a decent cardio workout in with Caleb (2 year old push-ups and jumping jacks are hilarious). The store where I got the stroller will ship us a new one as long as I bring the broken one back tomorrow. It’s still aggravating, but at least it’s being taken care of.
Now the day is winding down and I’ve got a little girl who is fighting sleep. I’ve been missing Keith’s hugs, so I wrapped myself in the black fleece he wore to bare threads but still smells like him and Libby snuggled right in and fell asleep. She brought him comfort before she was born and now he’s doing the same for her.
It’s these quiet moments when I’m reminded that life won’t always be this hard. Some moments seem impossible now, but they will, some day, be just a memory.
So, in my worn, run downs days I soak in these quiet, snuggle moments and am so thankful for a break from the crazy, hard reality that is life right now.