31 Days of Real Life

31 Days of Real Life [10/26/16]

Caleb loves the fact that my lovey from childhood is a bear. He’s always wanting to snuggle on the couch with our bears and one night he insisted I take mine to bed with me. I did it begrudgingly and was pleasantly surprised at how comforting it was to sleep with my first friend. I often…

Continue Reading

31 Days of Real Life [10/29/16]

We celebrated Caleb’s birthday with a small group of friends and family. Usually, we make a big deal about birthdays, but I was overwhelmed by grief and never got around to doing any kind of decorating. Even though Caleb usually badgers me until we decorate, he graciously forgot and had a wonderful evening. I was…

Continue Reading

31 Days of Real Life [10/28/16]

It was a terrible day. The kind of day that wants to make you avoid days and people and responsibilities for a month or forever. I didn’t feel well. The grief was overwhelming. The kids were not compliant and whining is my nemesis. I let a few friends know that I was struggling and one…

Continue Reading

31 Days of Real Life [10/24/16]

I’ve been thinking about seasons a lot lately. Just like the seasons visibly change the landscape, they change me, too. The leave change colors, fall, and the natural world rests for winter, only to wake up and start over in spring. In my hardest seasons, I’ve felt dormant: my own personal, emotional hibernation. I’ve been…

Continue Reading

31 Days of Real Life [10/27/16]

The first snow! It was a bit strange seeing snow and fall foliage at the same time, but I was so excited. I’ve never been one to get excited for snow, but I’ve noticed that since Keith died, I start bouncing off the walls. I think he left me with a bit of his obsessive snow…

Continue Reading

31 Days of Real Life [10/31/16]

Halloween. An exciting day for the kids, but a hard day for me. Dad died four years ago. It’s hard to wrap my mind around that reality. I really struggled this year, missing him in so many ways. He would’ve been best buddies with Caleb and I don’t think he would’ve ever stopped laughing at…

Continue Reading

31 Days of Real Life [10/30/16]

On each of his birthdays, I’ve taped streamers over his door. It’s so fun to start his special day with such joy and delight. These are the moments I hope to remember. Birthdays are the hardest grief days for me, but I want to remember their childhood with visions of all these wonderful moments of…

Continue Reading

31 Days of Real Life [10/25/16]

One of my goals for this series was to take a self portrait. I’m not really sure what to say about myself. I look at these photos and there’s something foreign about that face. It’s me, but it’s a version of me that I’m still getting to know. There are pain and scars in those…

Continue Reading

31 Days of Real Life [10/23/16]

This is my family. We don’t look like how I imagined (aside from the fair skin, blue eyes, and blonde hair – that was not a surprise since that’s how Keith and I looked as children). Honestly, as much as I wish Keith were here, I can’t imagine us looking like anything else. These kids…

Continue Reading

31 Days of Real Life [10/22/16]

From the moment they met, when Libby was just a few days old, they’ve been inseparable buddies. When I walked in and saw him reading to her, I was overwhelmed. When Keith died and I was still pregnant, I was angry that I’d be bringing a baby into a broken family. What I didn’t realize…

Continue Reading